Klutzy McKlutz

Ever since i can remember i've been stumbling into things, spilling various liquids (on myself), and generally screwing shit up. It seems like walls and other inanimate objects like to jump out at me ever so often and beat the crap out of me. At any given time i have at least four or five mysterious bruises on my body. Just in the last two days i walked into two walls and a very sharp corner of the table stand. Now as i'm typing i feel a faint pang of pain in my left thigh where the sharp corner i encountered earlier tonight has created a bruise the size of a tiny country off the coast of Africa. I have stubbed (and broken) toes on multiple occasions. It's inevitable that if i think i can fit through a space i usually can't. This tendency has caused me to put my ass in places where it's not been welcomed either by the other party or me - places like restaurants, airplanes, trains or any other space where maneuvering under grace and poise is required - has found my ass in contact with (most likely) some old lady's face. And here i thought i was getting better at this whole non-graceful movement but alas with two more new bruises added today i don't think this is the case.