How To Tell You're Living In A Rich Suburb Where There's Nothing For Cops To Do

From my town newpaper's Police Blotter:

Hangun turns out to be cell phone, baked goods: A broken down car with two men inside who had a cell phone. The police searched the car and found, wait for it - pastries and "other bread products." I didn't know cell phones and muffins resembled guns. The people in my town are way too paranoid.

Irate customer reportedly kicks bank door: Guy got angry in Bank of Ameirca (shitty bank in my humble opinion) and kicks the door and then agrees to pay for the damages. Someone get the national guard, there was physical violence done to a door.

Teen party broken up: Just what it sounds like and the little buggers weren't even drinking. "...police dtermined that they were all capable of operating a motor vechile."

Harsh words at Dunkin Donuts: Some argument about a broken pay box. The owner and the guy delivering papers swore at each other. Serioulsy the lamest reason to call the police.

Man takes call from Mars: A man received prank calls. One of the calls included the enlightened remark, "I'm from Mars, and we are going to destroy earth." Um, if you're going to prank call someone at least make it funny.