"Some are for you, some are for me, but more are for me. Remember that. More. Me."

@shitmydadsays Is hilarious, I saw it yesterday in someone's twitter feed it a big pile of awesome!

"Love this Mrs. Dash. The bitch can make spices... Jesus, Joni (my mom) it's a joke. I was making a joke! Mrs. Dash isn't even real dammit!"

More of awesome:

"The dog is not bored, it's a fucking dog. It's not like he's waiting for me to give him a fucking rubix cube. He's a god damned dog."