Lileks Explores How To Think Like MSNBC Anchor

Those are the people who rush to judgment. They hear there’s been a terrorist attack, perform some twisted calculation based on stories from Fox’s highly rated “Jihadis in Your Garage” daily update, and figure it might have something to do with Islamists. Shame! Good people not only don’t judge before-hand, they want to refrain from judging after-hand, so they can theoretically judge someone who didn’t do it, but might.

Here’s what Contessa Brewer must go through when she hears of a terrorist attack anywhere in the world — meaning, not just Times Square but above 112th and below 13th street as well. (It’s hard for New Yorkers to see beyond their city; there are some who no doubt read “Oklahoma Bombing” and think it’s a story about a Broadway revival closing on opening night.)

Secretly kinda hope that the attack was caused by an atheist — no, that would empower the religious maniacs who only support Israel so Jesus will have a place to chill when he returns next week. Scratch that. So:

Hope the attack was caused by one of the several dozen million militia members — also known as “Midwesterners.” After all, that’s the logical extension of being opposed to anything the government does while in control of the Democratic Party: blowing up that oasis of commerce and gaudy free enterprise, Times Square.

Fingers crossed: Oh, if only the attack was caused by someone protesting Arizona’s immigration policy. Such a thing would be misguided, but there’s a lot of anger out there about a law many say harkens back to Nazi Germany, where they rounded up Jews who had entered the Third Reich illegally, and made them return to Israel.