Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Sometimes Life Won't Stop Sucking

You know I want to be an optimist. I really do. I want to laugh and smile a lot. I want to see only the positive. But it's hard. It's very, very hard when forces beyond your control make you stop in your tracks and immobilize you completely. I want to be healthy and I want to have a beautiful body and energy that goes for miles - but I don't. I never realized, upon till two years ago how much potential is lost when you are focusing on being healthy. I know that's a pretty obvious thing to realize, but yet it took me getting really sick to see how the physical can paralyze the emotional and the cognitive.
I know that shit happens and people move on (or should) but sometimes when it just. won't. stop. it gets to you and it stops you in your tracks. And people who have never been sick or taken care of someone who was sick have really can not fathom the energy that it takes to make it through one day. Serious arrested development.
So yeah the doctors appointment could have gone better. Supposedly I don't have cancer, but you know there isn't a definite answer.

On that note, I'm going to go buy a bike today. It's wildly overpriced, but it will make me happy to own it.

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