Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Writers Block of Sorts

I've been toying with the idea of starting a new blog. To shed the weight of this one. To start a new place to deposit my thoughts, as I find myself physically living (finally) in a new place. I still don't quite feel at home, but it's only been four days and I know it will take some time to get used to the apartment, the city, and the rthyms that both of us are now forced to share. Plus there is the rude intrusion of realty, two weeks ago I thought I was moving to NYC with a job all lined up, only to be told a week ago: that I was toiling under a delusion and that now, they cannot accomodate me working from home, where did I get that silly idea from?!(I don't know, maybe from the countless meetings we had on the matter! -P) Bitterness and financial worry aside, I think the cut off from the disfunctional company will do me good, maybe the swift kick in the pants. (BTW as I'm writing this a car hasn't stopped honking for about 10 minutes, wow, that a whole new level of asshole and preserverance (a warm welcome from the streets of Manhattan?).)
Anyway, the problem I'm having despite having a wonderful loving husband and others who love me is that I have mostly lost the lust for life. In some ways I thoought having to go through a death at your door step experience would remind me that life is short and to suck every little part of it out....instead I feel tired. Tired of almost everything and everyone. I feel like creativity of any kind has been zapped from me. I don't even think about potential death scenario happening.

Which brings me to the writers block. I have so many ideas, mostly self-centered, but some actually interesting that I want to explore and write about, and yet nothing. That lost of lust for life kind of killing off all the motivation in me. I can't even bring myself to sit down and write. The only way I can actually accomplish what I'm doing now, is by ignoring seeing the new Catherine Denueve movie (I decided to save for netflix, wasn't in the mood to deal with all that French). Logic being, that if I just decided to write without first making a plab to see the movie, I wouldn't be able to write. This line of behavior might be a problem in looking for a job.

So yeah maybe a new blog will do me a world of good. Or maybe it will remain dormant like this one.

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